FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
