if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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