I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
