its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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