ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
