Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
