I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
