I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
