Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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