What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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