Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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