I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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