Will you blow on my dice?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize