he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
