I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just had sex on a roof
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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