how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
