sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
