I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
