All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
