He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We were destined to go to rehab together
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
