I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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