I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my phone needs a breathalizer
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
