is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
