You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
