have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
