Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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