I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
