It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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