Tell her she can't have a vagina
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
