Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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