we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
