I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
