it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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