Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
