I want to stick my p in your. b.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
