how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
