dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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