Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
