take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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