I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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