So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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