if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
