We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
