he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
