I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize