you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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