She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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