he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
