So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
