Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
