What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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