My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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