Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
