Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize