sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
