i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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