Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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