He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
