You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
