Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize