hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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