Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize