I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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