OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
