i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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