did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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