Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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