garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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