My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Im part way to drunk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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