"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
