At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
