Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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