GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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