I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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