I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
