i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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