So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Someone shattered a urinal.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
