i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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