hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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