i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize