I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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