i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
