So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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