i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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