she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
