I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
