thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
