He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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