Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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