Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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