She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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