Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
