She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
