I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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