I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
