I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
