wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
