I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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