He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
