I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I fill condoms, not promises.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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