At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
