Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
