If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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