just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
