im having a threesome with these popsicles
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
