I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
