i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
