so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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