the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
