Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
