The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize