dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
