No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
