just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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