Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize