Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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