And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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