It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
