I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize