She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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