mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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