Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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