We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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