i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
